As fearless as a wolf and as fierce as a dragon. That’s what I want to be like.
Not a single thought of seeing my parents grow weaker has entered my mind. I always see them as strong: physically and emotionally. But it seems like I’ve forgotten that everybody grows old, and that includes them. It hurts me to see them struggle because their hip or their knees hurt. I hate to hear their voice filled with so much pain when telling me the things that happened during the day. If I could ever give them the strength I have, I would. Because I know they need it more than I do. If I could give them my mind, I would. Just to spread out the dark and disturbing thoughts troubling them. But none of those are possible. The least I can do is to make them feel that I would stand by their side all the time. And that I would take care of them and would never put them in a nursing home when they grow old. I know they fear that. I would never do that to them. I would help them walk little steps when they can no longer support themselves, just like how they helped me walk my first steps. I will feed them day or night, just like how they struggled waking up in the middle of the night just to lull me back to sleep. I would wrap them around my arms when they feel lonely, just like how they embraced me when I felt afraid of the thunder. The point is, I would never leave them when they grow old, just because I have my own life to build.
Because they’ve never left me until now. It’s just my time to give them back all the sacrifices they’ve made to raise me.
I think of you everytime. Before I sleep and when I wake up. Each night I’ll wish upon the stars, asking them; hoping that you feel the same way about me. Everything about you drives me crazy, and you are the reason why I smile for no reason. You are the one that makes me happy, right now at this very moment. As I think of you, I remember the little things my eyes see when you’re around: and they see only you and no one else. Your smile, your eyes, your lips and your voice. The voice that makes me feel weak and senseless. But this is only a dream: a dream that even in wonderland won’t ever come true. A dream that will fade away, eventually, as we drift apart from each other.
When you feel alone in a room full of people you assume are your family, but they all seem distant… Your heart starts to waver: and then you ask yourself whether you’re still happy or not anymore.
When you finally found the courage to open up your heart to a person and you still end up getting hurt because they thought you were a toy they could play with when they still want you, and leave you when they’ve had enough of you already. Just who do you think you are?